BORINGLY LINEAR

Boringly Linear

 It was a bright summer morning day

My cousin shook me violently

Said,” we should be on our way.”

I had a start; his violent means interrupted my sleep

He said, “Wake up bhaiya! Today is a special day,

We are to leave by the noon train

We see a woman for you the next day.”

I did nod slowly, then go back to sleep.

“You’re so brave, not at all worried.” He said

That’s what you think, I thought

I’m about to piss my pants, I’m calling the maid.

“This is quite a pickle”, I said to myself

The bells of destiny had rung, only I heard its call

After a while my cousin was fast asleep

I took the cue, slithered out of bed without a word

I drew long puffs of smoke, it felt right

“Ayo! Ayo! Beta, you’ve grown Na?

Do you remember me, I’m Aunty Rita?”

I smile and nod, I know lady gaga

Her bra strap would never sit in her blouse

People I barely knew came and hugged me

This action almost suffocated me

For a while, I forced out a smile

Later, even that was toned down a dial

I kindly asked to be excused

Called my friends, asked me to be rescued

Each friend had his hearty laugh

And said pick yourself a better, better half

Friends of a lifetime had dumped me

'Cause of the damn camphor’s smoke, I could barely see

All my thoughts had left me

I was to be slaughtered this week

I was woken from my day dream

By a girl with the lightest touch

“Mom is calling you.” She barely whispered

I was startled at the timing; I could see that she blushed

I thanked her rather carelessly

While a huge mountain of laughter

Exploded right behind me

 I turned back at once to see

What was that my lord, who could that, be?

They were people, who disappeared mysteriously

The girl still stood, with the sternest of looks

“You can leave; I’ll come after I finish my smokes.”

She asked, “Why do you do that?

Don’t you know it’s bad for you?”

I replied,” hey sister, wow!

I barely yet know you.”

I continued,” maybe you don’t know this,

I’m the designated goat of the day.

They only sent you here to disturb me

Can’t you see? It amuses them.”

“I especially looked for this place

I stumbled earlier into someplace else

Where aunties panties were hung on a line

All sizes unknown to mankind.”

At this, her face lit up like a festival

Her expressions all so unique

I didn’t want to cheat before next week

I looked for a reason to take leave

“I like you, you’re so funny.” She said

Her innocence and pride had me waylaid

I said, “I’m about to be married, I should be frank,

I like you too, but I’m about to walk the plank.”

She laughed and said,” you’re so stupid and naïve,

I too am walking down the “PLANK” with you.”

I stood flabbergasted, mouth hung open

I stammered,” You mean…..you…?”

“Yes, your To-Be-Betrothed.” She finished for me

Now things were as plain as day

Why the relatives looked so happy and gay

“Oh I’m such a moron.” Was all I could say.

She looked around so no one could see

She stood on her toes and then kissed me

Her eyes were wide and forgiving

This day my life, had a new beginning

Our lips parted after a while

My heart jumped down a mile

She left me wondering in silence

I marveled, at her mild violence

I sat down to gather her looks, she was pretty

Her smile was wide, her lips all red and ripe

Her hips rounded off to the side

Even in the half sari, she looked so wild

I smiled at myself for how long

I really don’t know

I took the cigarette case, threw it away

Thought out loud,” mom, you’re smart this way.”

  In the loving memory of:

Satish R Inamdar(Friend, Robotripper, Sleazeball, Classmate, etc)